Magic Forums

Hello. ^ ^

Disclaimer:
This is very detailed and very wordy. I'm sorry, I tried my best to get to the point.

To start off, I am a believer turned skeptic. I used to blindly believe in the paranormal for quite some time, without ever actually having any experiences to support those beliefs.

But, semi-recently I have been a bit lost.

I really can't say that I don't believe. But, I can't say that I do either, rather, I want to believe. I really do.

I feel so incredibly silly saying this, but... The center of my beliefs revolved around this "entity" always around me, giving me protection, but at the same time, being judgemental and a bit malicious at the same time. I know it sounds stupid, but I can't seem to stop believing in whoever or what ever this being is. I feel like I can still feel it (I'm used to calling it "him").

When I first felt him around me was when I was very young. I remember laying in bed one night and asking inside my head "What is your name?", and I immediately got a "reply". I won't say what it was because... Well, I don't really know, honestly. I'm just unsure.

Awhile after that experience, I had a strange dream where I was in the middle of a forest, and I was sitting on my knees. There was a black panther in front of me. It stared at me for a moment and then began to turn around and walk away. I reached my arms out and did the typical child-like "Eh eh!". I didn't want it to leave.
It then turned back around and walked back to me. It wrapped its arm around me and hugged me. I could feel it gripping its claws into my body, but I still hugged it back. I felt myself beginning to wake up at this point, and as I regained consciousness, I swear I physically felt someone embracing me in real life.

Another strange dream I had was where I was in the forest again, this time at nighttime, and in a much bigger area.
I'm on my knees again on the ground, and there's a dirt path in front of me. On the other side of the path, directly in front of me, is a couch. (Yeah, I dunno...) Now, in this dream I remember thinking that I was some sort of a sacrifice, and I was waiting for the "ritual master" to come. Eventually, the ritual master does come, and I see him in the distance. I'm slightly scared now, and then all of a sudden, I look in front of me and there is a man sitting on the couch. He is looking straight at me with deep red eyes with black slitted pupils. I immediately escape his gaze because it was just so unexpected.
The ritual master comes over to me and starts doing strange things, which I can only assume was a part of the... Well, "ritual".
I'm doing my best to suppress my fear, but I remember I eventually couldn't, so my first instinct was to huddle to the red-eyed man, which I did. He didn't do anything. He didn't push me away or anything like that, but when I ritual master turned his back, the red-eyed man gave me a very quick kiss. And that's the last thing I remember. I know... It's stupid, I suppose.

Once, I even awoke to two unexplainable parallel scratches on my neck. I don't have anything sharp near my bed, my nails aren't long, and I have no pets that could've done it.

I've had more strange dreams like this centered around an unknown being. Sometimes he's a man, sometimes a panther.
I've also tried to talk to him before, using paper, and just talking out loud to him, but he never replies. That's where a LOT of my uncertainty comes from. If whatever this is-is real, wouldn't it speak to me? I don't know... Am I doing something wrong?

Anyway, I've tried to chalk all of this up to maybe... I have mental illness. It's the only way I know how to rationally explain it. I just want someone to say that either I'm crazy, or there's something "spiritual" going on here. Then again, it could just be a very serious case of an imaginary friend.

I'm sorry this is so wordy, but hopefully someone can give me some insight. I really want it to be real, but I just can't believe right now.

Sincerely, a very confused girl.