A small little preface, so just humor me for a moment. This may be the understanding of someone that is coming to grips with themselves, or just a raving lunatic. But either way, I almost feel compelled to post this here, if just for the reactions of those who read. I am real, I'm not living in a fantasy, this is my own experiences and perceptions, the only thing lacking is the knowledge and wisdom behind this.
And the title isn't all bait. For years I've made the joke of being a vampire, or a psychic vampire, teasing about my habits and what just felt natural and right. This was long before I started investing time into learning about the, well, meta-physically sensitive side of myself. And my experiences, and what I've been learning, has only turned that joke into a reality. There was no spell, there was no trick to this, this was the way I always have been. But it was reading about how some here debate the existence of psychic vampires that has compelled me to post out of my own curiosity.
The question that sits on my mind is, am I one? The tidbit I offer for those reading this to chew on is just something rather simple. Something that points to being able to feel and feed off of the energies of others.
This goes back before I started learning and is sitting at it's strongest in clubs and lounges, so I'll keep the scope there. In the simplest of terms, the energy and emotion there pools and collects, gathers itself and resonates to through the people with the music. So many people all sitting on the same wavelength of emotion just brings about it's own tide, one that would crash against me and I would happily drown in. Should the setting be right, everything had a taste after all.
Joy, excitement, friendship, lust. In the good places that would just mix together into a drink of it's own, and just to be aware I'd have to set myself against that tide, lock my body and feel as though I was a rock. Even the haze of alcohol floated on the top of it all. Other places that sat with nervous crowds, fear and depression ruled as people just stood about and just left an awful taste.
And before you write this off as just my personal experience to these gatherings, things have changed. Even with just practicing the most basic of the fundamentals, that ocean turned into banquet. I could savor every taste, emotion, and even feel the strongest, or best, source of a given emotion in the crowd. All without reaching out to a person, all without thinking of stealing, it was just what was given freely inside those walls, and it was mine to drink and devour at my own leisure.
And yes, I've gotten intoxicated on it. I don't drink and had the club security worried and baffled at the same time, seeming that I was completely stoned sitting in a chair, and then suddenly able to just step away from it all and talk. But I can feel the pulse there, single out every beat, and feel that energy pound inside me. If I take my fill, there is too much there to rest or sleep, and worse I feel as if I don't need it, and I never hunger for atleast a day after.
And as crazy as this long rambling might be, I'm not foolish. I don't 'treat' myself to this, and tend to be concerned of finding out just what I am and what it means. Worried that I won't like the answer. Yet I cannot stop looking into this, my own curiosity undeniable.
Take of this what you will, perhaps it's just therapy for me, a little risk free venting and worrying. Feel free to discuss and ask.