I can't shake the feeling that my demonic side is fighting with my good side. I love darkness and am mostly neutral, but sometimes I fear the demonic side will take over me. There are times when I can't control myself. Throughout life it is difficult for me to learn because I'm constantly battling pain and depression. I need a teacher that will be patient and guide me in finding my path. If you can help me with visualization, energy manipulation, energy healing, and divination, feel free to email me.
This put me in mind of an old Cherokee Legend. Let me share it with you.
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Your "dark side" has no control over you unless you allow it. You must believe you can control your negative inhibitions in order to do so. Once that is done, you simply need to maintain self control. You may need to practice and set yourself reminders (I find the possibility of behaving irrationally or offensively to be a good motivator), but it is easy to control yourself once you learn how. If you cannot purge yourself of negativity, then teach yourself to keep such feelings on a leash and use them only as a tool when necessary.