I feel this surging energy, but in huge great amounts. I sense pure evil in it too. I was almost driven mad and stabbed myself with the pencil I was using. I wasn't doing anything out-of-the-ordinary. Can someone please explain this? I thought I was being possesed.
Are you grounding and centering before launching your energy into spells?
What were things going on in your head when you attached yourself?
Can you remember any triggers?
What technique of meditation are you using?
Where do you meditate and perform spells?
Have you ever by any chance tried performing a spell when you're in an irritable, angry frame of mind?
Have you recently picked up a talisman that fascinated you and started wearing it? If so, describe it.
How often do you feel this energy?
When was the first time you felt it?
Can you remember a trigger that could have kickstarted this energy?
Beastking...
Did you see beeperz attack himself?
Is there anyone you know who saw this attack?
If so it would help to describe what they saw - facial expressions, behaviour, etc.
Well... Im a begginer at magick in general, when i meditate im downstairs, in my room, on my bed. I usually visualize my body being filled with a blue energy, starting with my feet when I meditate. I feel somethings like this energy pretty often, but it doesnt feel evil. But one I think I was... possesed maybe, I almost killed my cat, but this time is different. When I might of been possesed, I was completly unaware, I wasnt myself, I came back after kinda "waking up" to describe it... but this time, I just felt aware, but almost too aware it seems. I felt just so much energy, a lot more than what i have ever experienced before. I almost stabbed myself with my pencil because it felt like I needed to, but I controled myself. Ive never even seen a talisman before.
What drew you to magic? Why do you want to practise it? What do you want to gain from it? How are things at home? What are your relationships with family and friends like? Do you like school? Are you happy about life in general?
Do i think you're possessed? Um... not really. i dont think you're being chased by any demon. Here's what I feel, from what you've described. And I could be wrong. It seems like a part of yourself possessed you. Let me explain...
Meditation, spiritual work, magic largely involves delving into the depths of your mind. If you look at freud's iceberg theory, the subconscious mind holds certain emotions or memories of emotions that the conscious mind blocks out as a way of self preservation. You say that there was an outburst of anger and violence. Now, may be just may be you've ended up tapping into that part of your mind which has stored memories that your conscious mind has blocked out. And your conscious mind is not yet ready to deal with that memory.
I dont know about what you've been through in life, so I'm just making an assumption here.
My suggestion to you right now would be not to dabble in things that you have little knowledge of.
This is the only time i did something bad to one of my cats, and, to be honest, after i realized what happened, i almost cried, and i pretty much never cry. I havent had really any big family or friends problems. i had a little drama with my past girlfriend, but its solved now. An important thing i should tell you is that i usually hold in my feelings, or let them out when im in complete solitude. I also kinda try to solve my problems all by myself too. Ive actually felt this energy for as long as i can remember, but it came stronger when i found out about magick, and i then had this happen the night after i first meditated (ive actually only meditated once though, or atleast with the method i described). I found about magick through my friend, beastking. It first started when he found out about astral-projection and obe on a tv show. Then from there, we found some sites in our research that had other things like the kinesises in it. Then he found out about magick. Im trying to learn more about magick and everything before i do it, and i thought meditation would be a safe start. And i dont know if this is significant, but my energy usually changes when i hear certain songs. I was actually listening to music when this happened.
So then that's perhaps a case of pent up anger. If I were you I'd take up kick boxing to release whatever is bugging me. And perhaps carry a black tourmaline around for a while. When you feel negative energy next time, instead of going for the cat, go for the tourmaline. Hold it in your right hand until you calm down.
Tip: All black stones need to be cleansed reguarly.
