Magic Forums

I was wondering if the community here on SOM would be willing to assist a fellow Pagan? I'm trying to write my own spells, but I'm not gifted with rhymes. I was hoping that if I wrote out short prayers/spells/intentions...if the community here might be capable of re-wording them into a new creation that flows easily from the tongue?

For example:

(Nightly Prayer)
Maiden, I join your presence. I thank you for the experiences of naivety and the freedom to error in my judgments so that I may learn from these wrongful choices.

Mother, I admire your presence. I thank you for blessing me with a wonderful and attentive mother that devotes herself to her family, sometimes forgetting her own. I'm not yet a mother in my rights, but I hope to instill your warmth in my children as you've given me through choosing my mother to be mine.

Crone, I respect your presence. I'm grateful for your wisdom. I'm still young in my mind, but I take your teachings and guidance with admiration. I will approach this phase of my life with grace and elegance. Just as you teach us, women, to do so.

Hades, I honor your position. The guardian of souls. Please keep my grandfather's essence safe and secure, joining him with his beloveds. Creature and human. I hope he's at peace. Thank you for not taking him away too soon.

Great Goddesses, Honorable God, I thank you all for this day and shall speak with you in the morning's light. So mote it be.

(Should I keep this prayer as it is, or could someone offer me a different construction so that the intentions remain even though the words flow more smoothly?)