Hello everyone , my name is Michael , I'm 30 years old and I'm from Romania.
My story starts about 23 years ago , when my mother was cursed by another woman , that woman it seems had the "misfortune" of having 2 previous husbands die in accidents and now she was after my father . I don't know exactly what she did but it was bad for us , my parents got divorced eventually , a very ugly divorce , and my brother and i went through hell in that period.It wasn't just the constant fighting but the shadows too , me and my brother kept seeing things , hearing and feeling them. That slowly faded with time , and after i turned 20-21 i stopped seeing or feeling stuff , and I stopped searching for answers and slowly gave up on life.
After those events started to happen , like a year later , i started drawing pentagrams and planetary symbols , i didn't know what they were back then not exactly , but i liked seeing them and i felt drawned to them. Several years later when i was in my teens i got interested in magick and witchcraft and i started looking for answers , spiritual ones. I never found them to be honest.I went through different paths and systems , nothing really satisfied me they all seemed incomplete or false.
And now here i am , 30 years old , a broken man , I got no friends , I'm depressed , my whole life is a mess , i got no Gods to pray too , my health isn't great either , and i gave up on hope , it was the only thing i could do to save my sanity.I still hear the calling of magick , but it's like it's far away , like something is blocking me.If anyone can tell me anything helpful I'll be very grateful , I'm lost and I can't seem to find my way.
Sorry for the bad formatting , I rarely use forums.And I'm not crazy , I went to a psychiatrist when i was younger and besides of having a bunch of personality disorders because of childhood trauma I'm pretty sane.
Thank you for your time.