I used to be able to shield just fine, but I've noticed after periods of emotional/mental breakdown (and I just had one last night) that I have issues with shielding and centering. When I tried to center last night and even today, it was extremely difficult. I could barely manage. It felt like the pieces of me were splintered, and it felt almost like a physical pain, even though nothing was wrong. I can't even pull up my shield, which is really bad, considering I'm an Empath. I have to shield myself any time I'm in public or I am affected by the emotions of others.
In some ways this makes sense. In the past two years, ever since certain bad things happened- I have had issues with shielding. It all came back to my core, which even though it wasn't in the greatest state, it was better than it is now. My center feels incredibly fragile. As I've said to others, I feel I've lost my sense of Self due to everything that happened two years ago. When I focus on my center, even on a good day, it feels like a badly-stitched piece of patchwork. During a breakdown, this stitching comes undone, and it can take anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to finally feel okay again and stitch my Self back to where I can shield again.
Even when I do shield, even when all is well, I know if there was a bit more pressure on the outside of my little bubble I would pop and have a breakdown.
I know if I wait, it will take me a few weeks to be back in good condition. I would probably be rejuvenated in a few days if I had time to myself, but I don't, and I don't know how to stitch myself back together in the meantime. It's so upsetting that every time I feel okay, something comes along and I'm back down.
Is there any other way I can defend myself while rebuilding my center and my shield? I do have a charm bag, though I feel awkward carrying it around. I also have a 'spirit friend' who is usually willing to provide protection, but I don't know if I want to ask him for help while I'm in a weakened state.
Also, is there any way I can prevent something like this from happening in the future...? I know I can't permanently avoid the triggers, since they are the stupidest things, but I do try my best. But is there anything else I can do?
I know I should be in therapy, and I've been trying to get into it for a long time. I am still a teen and am reliant on my parents, who haven't had the time or resources to get me therapy. It will probably be a long time before I can actually assess the depth of my internal damage and heal mentally. I hope for that day to come, but for now, what should I do?
I've already been pursued by several beings...
I'm going to sage my room down in the meantime, I can still feel negativity floating about. I hope to come back to help. Thanks for reading, and if you need me to clarify anything, please just ask.