Magic Forums

OK so bc of certain life events that have happened to me I have began to research paganism and other religions outside of Christianity. To begin with I felt that I was deceiving my faith. Then I started reading about the different colors of magic and other elements of the subject. It has been a bit scary at times. Especially when dealing with TIME in an aspect that I keep finding myself stuck in a rut.
Its almost as if I am in the middle, like torn between good evil. I've been told that is not common. Like I'm in touch with the reality that I possess some sort of abilities, but choosing a side is something I have never been able to do. However, due to visions I have had I feel that I have been chosen. Its as if I've been given a second way of seeing people, the world, life itself and everything. SO, if anyone can relate I feel that anything might help at this point. I am also welcome to suggestions of any type of literature that may give me more information.