Magic Forums

A little over two years ago, my ex - who was also my first love - committed suicide. This has ruled my life ever since it has happened...I want to connect with him. Maybe find closure. I don't know. I want so much to tell him I love him and that I'm sorry for everything. I've astral projected before many times but only on accident (and while it was happenening I wasn't sure what it was). About a year ago I started studying AP and how to accomplish it successfully yourself. I havn't been successful yet.
My question is, could this be a bad idea? I'm still very much in love with him even though I am married. I don't want to hinder anything he might be doing for his personal growth and healing - I don't want to hinder myself aswell seeing that if I see him, I'd want to spend forever with him.

This is really confusing.

I guess I'm looking for any opinions or personal experiences regarding this topic.