WARNING: text wall.
I don't know exactly what I am doing now. An attempt to help my personal growth, a will to satisfy my curiosity... maybe both, maybe something more than that.
Well, I'll introduce myself. I'll begin with saying that I'm agnostic. I'm 100 % sure that there's no god from any religion I've heard of. Since I was a child, I was a fervent Protestant, but I realized that the Bible contradicts itself in a way that it was impossible for Jesus to be the Messiah (the prophecies just don't fit), and that was the beginning of my end with religion. I'm a very sceptic person who loves science, as well, and I believe that everything has an explanation (including magic, if it exists, so to speak), although we may not know it. I am very firm with this subjects, and I can't stand when people convince themselves into believing in so many non-sensical stuff I've seen...
But that doesn't mean that I don't think that maybe we're missing something else to which we could reconnect... I know it's weird, but that's what I feel. I may think that maybe all religions share something in common (basically, faith in something and prayer), but that doesn't mean that I believe that all religions are good or all religions lead to the same God, as some people believe (well, that's just contradictory, by the very rules of some religions); I don't accept their doctrines (which have been so harmful to humanity) nor I accept their "characters" (Jesus, Muhammad, you name it) as true in their religious definition.
On the other hand, I'm not only a firm, dry person: I love funny stuff, pranks, laughter, etc. Sometimes I may seem a bit childish (in the good sense, I mean). I've went (and I still go) through lots of trouble in my life and somehow I tried to make it more joyful, I guess. Also, although my personal beliefs (and the lack of thereof) are very strong, I'm a very curious, open minded person. I love to learn new things (I'm quite self-taugh in some matters), even religious stuff which I know I won't believe in.
Here's when things get a bit complicated, and please believe me when I tell you that I don't want to show myself as a very mystic person with a special aura or whatever you may call/understand it. The thing is that, since I was a child, I always felt so different... Yeah, pretty much everybody has felt the same sometimes, but I know what I know. I can live in the city and I may even like the vibe of it sometimes, but I love nature. I love taking care of the environment (I try to be ecofriendly as much as I can) and I hate when people disrespect nature, contamination, etc. I also hate when people hurt innocent beings, such as children, elders or animals. It makes me so sad that it kindles an inner fury that is not proper to my personality (I don't mean I turn into Hulk, either!). More on this, I'm not the kind of person that you see and say: "hey, there's an animal rights activist", but yes, I have my love for them.
Since I was a child, I also loved to spend hours by myself in nature. I enjoyed getting into the woods, looking at trees, dipping my feet in the fresh water, laying down on the earth (I feel like hugging the ground, I don't know how to say it), the quietness, the sound of the wind, the sea against the rocks, etc. I like the sun and I like the rain. I like the mountains and I like the ocean. I like the light and I like the darkness and the moon. Sometimes I have like an urge to go to the woods at night. I know, I know, it's strange and this is something I don't usually tell. My favourite colours are green (not the loud tones, but emerald, for instance) and blue (specially lapis lazuli blue), and the colours that go in between. I also like other colours as well, but these are the ones I prefer.
On another note and for you to know me better, I also like technology (I'm a gamer, although I don't have much free time to play). I like reading books, I also like to write. I like classical music (Baroque is my favourite), but I like R&B too. By the way, I love some Bj?rk songs (even though I think she's quite weird) which for some reasons I can connect to the same special feelings I get when I'm in nature (for instance, each layer in the score of Pagan Poetry beats in me as something so special... and I don't know why).
I also believe that one of the most precious feelings a human can have is empathy. I may seem a hard person sometimes, but at the same time people tell me not to be so empathetic, because I end up adding the others issues to my own.
As you see, I'm quite a mixed bag, hehe. People usually get lost with these so many different aspects of my personality, so it is quite difficult to get in line with me, fully. For instance, if I do something funny, people may say "wow, I didn't think you had a sense of humour", and if I say/do something more... sharp, people are like... surprised, I don't know. And NO, I'm not bipolar.
So, what am I doing here?
On religion, I look at prayers out of their religious contexts and identify it as a form of magic: putting your thoughts into something you want accomplished. I guess that behind different gods names it underlays this same principle to focus your thoughts (energy) into something, and that IF something happens because of that, it would be because of you rather than because of the name you addressed your prayer to (Jesus, Mary or Britney Spears).
So, is magic some kind of tool from that thing we are missing a connection with (energy, a thread of universal life or existence, whatever)? I think that this may be a good starting point, to understand magic as a tool, rather than a purpose per se, and I hope you can add your thoughts on this and on everything I said. I would like to receive down-to-earth explanations, answers. I keep being a rather "scientific" person, so don't ask me to understand why some of you, for instance, may believe that in order to obtain "moon water" you can't use a plastic container (or if that is a special water at all, I mean, how do you know that water is what do you believe it is and why?). A valid explanation is not just: "well, you have to believe". Blind believing is not a valid option, to me. For this same reason, I could believe in Santa Claus or in the fairy tooth, if you get my point.
I want to do something. I want to try some exercises you may recommend, and I will truly try it (not with a mind that "it won't work", "this is non sense") and I want to be sure that there are some results that I can't relate to just coincidences, placebo, etc. I will do it for some months, I guess, and at the end of this period I will share with you my thoughts.
I've read through the website and the fora, and I'm not asking you to do my job, I'm only asking your points of view and a little help to begin with some sort of exercise, as I said, or whatever you may think you have to say.
In ANY case, I will gain an experience (right this moment, when I'm still typing, I know I'm already gaining something, even though I know that this post won't be read by most people), so thank you all in advance. :-)