You may want to just plain old write your own spells
It doesn't seem appealing, but if the spell makes sense, then it would work better than many of the ones you'd see on this site.
I've seen a few of your posts lately; you seem like an interesting person. If you wanna talk, just message me some time.
(just because everyone says that)
Plus, who better knows what you desire to accomplish than you? I always write my own, sometimes even design my own customised rituals specific to my desired goal. Not to say that I won't look at another's to get a good idea or two sometimes.