I agree with Linda, cure the nightmares and fears, be it with a therapist or a spiritual healer (they should not charge you, look for local groups). Depending on your past, there are also free of charge therapy groups and hotlines. Do a bit of research.
Religion can also help. If you are interested in magick, you can find a spiritual group that is open to such things so that you are not ashamed of talking about your interests.
Bottom line you need a strong sense of self and balance before entering magick safely. You don't have that, so although it is not a bad thing to gain knowledge, you should not attempt any magick practice besides perhaps honoring and praying until you feel confidant in yourself and are free from these extreme fears.