My parents don't trust me because I am a wiccan. We always get into arguments and sometimes my parents delete important magical information because they are afraid. I love my religion, but I don't know what to do. People have been casting fearful and hatred glances at me these days. Some intensely stare at me. Everything I say, they don't believe. I try to change their views but they don't seem to budge. Can someone help?
By: Lark Moderator / Knowledgeable Mar 28, 2013
Post # 6
There is a reason that the Witch's Pyramid tells us "To Know, To Will, To Dare, to Keep Silent."
It is easy when we first become Wiccan to be so excited about what we have just learned and how we now believe that we want to share that with everyone around us. That is not, however, generally a good idea. There is a lot of misinformation out there about Wicca and many people fear those who are Wiccan. For the most part, you are not going to be able to change their minds by trying to talk to them about Wicca because they simply feel that you are misinformed or being misled. So it is better to abide by the last corner of the Pyramid and Keep Silent.
After all, our spiritual beliefs are our own. We don't have to share them with others to prove anything to ourselves or anyone else about how sincere we are in our own spiritual journey. As you have found, sharing what you believe with those who aren't ready to accept something different just leads to heartache and problems.
I think it is important to understand that what your parents are doing with you they are doing out of love. They care for you and they want you to be well and happy. They also care for the well-being of your immortal soul and they have been taught and they believe that you are putting yourself in peril. They also probably believe that being Wiccan may lead you into the drug culture or other harmful activities. So they are going to watch you carefully to try to keep you from coming to any harm.
You aren't going to be able to change their minds by arguing about your new beliefs. The only way to change their minds is to show them through the ways that you behave that you are not going to end up hurting yourself. So show through your actions that you are responsible, that you are a caring person, that you are not turning into some sort of freak. Pay attention to your schoolwork, do your chores if you have them, behave respectfully towards your parents. In other words, live like a good Wiccan kid would live. Stop talking about your religion around them and just be yourself. Given time they will relax and trust you again if you show them that they can in fact trust you.
And in the future, be careful with whom you share your beliefs. Only share with those whom you know you can trust not to judge you because you believe differently from the ways in which they believe.
I agree with Lark 200% I'd also like to add to the last point she made. I was lucky my family are all assorted ... pagans for lack of a better word so for me it was "normal ". It wasn't until I unwittingly said something to a kid at school that I realize just how misunderstood and even feared magic is to the public. I went through alot of crap at school for it and unfortunately I did not keep the cool head as Lark suggests and as a result I lost alot of friends. Now thankfully in my adult life I learned my lesson and only those I know very well and. Trust completly know. I am sure if you just keep your nose clean as Lark suggests things will get better just have patience.
Lark does make a good point, we need to be wise, while you shouldn't hide away, you should know the time and place for these things. i told my mom first because i was close with her and i'd feel terrible lying. it wasn't until i met another pagan that i told others. we were in a group and she introduced herself as one [because she saw my necklace] and i said i was too. that's how my friends found out, and it turns out a couple of them were Pagan also, they just didn't want to speak up. i'm now an adult, if someone asks me directly, i'll tell them, otherwise i just go about my business. my last employer asked one day because i'd work Sundays and certain holidays the store was open, but take off other days like Halloween or the Solstice, so I told him. he was fine with it, asked me a lot of questions out of interest. i'm odd, i love religious conversations, as long as they don't turn into a 'mines better than yours' debate. so i use my intuition, if i feel someone won't be too happy knowing i'm a Witch, then i change the subject or lie. otherwise i'll tell them, but i try not to dwell on it, it's really not important.
while not everyone's parents will be supportive [i know my dad lost it when it came out] you should sit them down and have a discussion about it. do not try and start a fight, if you notice things are getting to that point, say so you don't want a fight, so can we continue later. compile some information for them to read, perhaps a couple key points for yourself just in case you get nervous. you should also try to see things from their perspective, understand why they're upset, then calmly explain your standpoint to them. it might not get you accepted, but if you explain yourself it couldn't hurt. i read in a book [The Goddess is in the Details by Deborah Blake] as pagans we live with different types of people [can't remember all of them atm so i might forget one] there's those who have nothing wrong with your religion, those who say it' fine, but hope you'll convert, those who clearly aren't happy with your choice and constantly berate you, those who avoid the issue, and those who outright hate you and demand you change. i've dealt with all but the last one, the first two and the second last one are the best, because you don't really have a lot of problem with them. you need to figure out if they're happy or not, because you don't want to upset someone who clearly isn't happy with your choices by putting up a pentagram in the living room. the people who berate you are the worst, they'll put you down and when you ask them to stop they're say they're not doing anything. it can take a lot out of you.
if your parents aren't happy with your choices, even after sitting down and discussing them, inform your parents 'this is who i am. i know you're not happy, i understand, so i won't leave my Wiccan stuff out, but i'm still Wiccan.' and leave it at that. don't bring things up about your faith and let sleeping dogs lie. [as it were] one day you will move out, on that day, you can have a bookshelf full of your Wiccan Books, hang a pentagram on the wall, leave out your athame and do whatever. for the time being though, your parents house, so lay low and avoid conflict.