If you are feeling suicidal, you need to talk to a professional immediately.
Here is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the US: 1-800-273-8255
There are other suicide prevention hotlines as well. You should contact someone.
The reason there is not a thread for this is because this is a magick site, and unfortunately we are not doctors and thus not suited to help in cases like this. Please take the advice above.