Healing my past wounds

First, I really want to thank you for answering my message. It means a lot to me.
I'm not looking for a religion, or to become one of the witches in Charmed. I'm not interested in cursing people or anything like that, just to be clear.
I read up on Magick and I think some spells could help me feel better and safer, and could help me conquer my fears.
As my father is a devout Christian who has narrow-minded views on many things, I can't buy supplies, but I already have some, so it's okay.

I read about stones, and I tried purifying an old stone I have. I held it, clenching my fist, and fell asleep holding it. I found its soft entry spot, and I touched it many times to create a bond with it.

I don't know if there's a link, but even if the stone rolled off my bed, I ended up sleeping very peacefully, and I'm currently preparing myself for college tomorrow, which I couldn't have done yesterday.

I also lit up a match, which is something I haven't been able to do in years because I was too afraid of fire.

Do you have other suggestions of things/ spells I could do or areas of magick I could explore that could help me too?

I'm not confident enough to contacts the Goddess yet and I'm not sure that's what I want to do.
I'm just looking for relief and peace, which I got with the stone.

Along the lines of what was said earlier, sadly the only way to fully stop such phobias and anxiety is to face their cause. This need not be literally, but facing them internally is quite important.

Any method that simply removes, or glosses over your fears locks them away. And this can cause all sorts of further issues as the matter is repressed. As this is all that they do. They repress and lock away the sources of the fear and the anxiety.

Instead of simply seeking a cure, use methods to gain confidence and self esteem. Use this to stare down the cause of your mental distress. Use it to overcome, and evolve, and grow beyond your trauma.

I understand, but medication is numbing my pain away too.
Are you saying I shouldn't begin studying magick?
I thought protection and calming spells were there for a reason, to help people like me. I see doctors on a regular basis and they have advocated the use of hypnosis... ever since I tried using this as a last resort.
I had adverse effects from hypnosis like I said, and numbing my brain to pain isn't what I'm looking to do.

My understanding is that if I use spells to help me fight my fears (fight being the important word here) I could finally dominate them.

As in, in a video game, getting better weapons to defeat a boss... but still defeating it alone.

I have tons of willpower. That's the only thing I do have.

I truly think I'm a good candidate for learning magick. I'd really appreciate it if someone could guide me on my path. I don't want to accomplish anything "big". I've heard good luck spells are a good way to start, but I need more information from people who are knowledgeable, because reading can only get me so far.

No, I'm not saying not to learn magic. I'm telling you that you should use your tools to help face things down. Healing and protection aid you in overcoming these things. They are not a solution by themselves.

I understand that there's no easy solution to my problem. Otherwise, I'd be cured already. Thanks for saying that I can still try magic. I don't expect impressive, movie-like results. A little push to fight my fears and bring me positive energy is what I need.

Are there any spells from the website or another source that you'd recommend?

I want to prepare myself for next week, because I have a lot of work ahead of me. I'm currently trying to make a dreamcatcher out of paper and some craft supplies I have lying around.

There are many things that you can do to help you get started and work out your issues. First off I would suggest learning about your chakras. Cleansing and balancing them can benefit you by bringing you in touch with your energy and how things effect it. Meditation and self healing are also a good place to start in my opinion. If you need any help, feel free to mail me. Just know that no one spell is going to fix it. Love, light and blessings ~Angie :)

Facing our fears is much harder done than said. I would advise you to temporarily weaken/gloss over/remove your problems. This could be done using various stones(e.g. jasper, onyx, obsidian, etc) and herbs, creating a daily ritual to weaken/remove the effects.

When they are removed/weakened greatly enough, I'd advise you to work on activating your chakras as well(like Lightseer). This would not only bring about feelings of peace, security, happiness etc in each respective area but would also provide you with enough power and experience to face your fears which you ought to do next at whichever pace you wish.

Compare to a video game where you know you have to face a boss but at your current level you would be defeated easily or semi-easily. So you spend time leveling up and acquiring better weapons so that when you face the boss you and defeat it and move on.

Thank you so much for the help, this makes a lot of sense.
The only stone I have are Amethysts, and one transparent stone I can't identify. I also have amber, but I fainted on the single day I wore it, so I consider it a "cursed" stone for me.
I've started bonding with the transparent stone, but I don't know which properties it has since I wasn't able to identify it.

Would doing a ritual with this stone and an Amethyst be okay?
Could you suggest some easy rituals I could perform even if I can't go buy something at the store?
I have oregano and a couple of other herbs.

I used to have a turtle made of Amethyst but I lost it. I still have an owl and a cat, and I plan on wearing one of these stones to college tomorrow.

How can I work on opening my chakras? According to a test I took, my only healthy chakras is the one linked to talking, I believe the throat chakra. All the other ones are too closed.

First of all, I would like to stress that anxiety attacks can be caused by abnormal hormone levels, glucose levels, or heart problems. I personally suffered from anxiety attacks since I was six years old because I was born with a heart defect and it directly triggers fight or flight no matter how calm and relaxed I am. So not only do I control my mind, but also control my body. I'm actually an extremely laid back person to a point where some people think I am "cold". I'm truly not, I do care, I just do not wrap myself up in extreme negative emotion and people find that odd. I have conquered my condition.

Even though my problem is triggered by a physical defect of my heart valve (MVP), I have learned to control it through a healthy diet, enough sleep (naps if I have to), moderate exercise, and proper breathing. I have taken absolutely zero medication or suppliments for heart or anxiety and have improved both through healthy living to a point where I live a perfectly normal life (unless the temperature outside becomes too hot, then I have to go slow).

When I actually am extremely upset and have difficulty focusing (loss of a loved one, argument, etc) I use singing, chant or Buddhist mantras to bring myself back to a calm state. I taught myself through self control to let go of anger very quickly so that is never a problem. Life is too short to harbor negative emotions. Sorrow from loss is the only tough one, but thankfully that occurs with many years between them.

Don't get me wrong, this took me many years. I suffered greatly throughout my childhood and half my teen years, especially since drama was my family's middle name! At 9 years old I was rushed to an emergency room, and did they say "you have a heart problem?" No, they said "you're having an anxiety attack". I wasn't diagnosed with MVP until I was 16 years old and asked the doctor MYSELF to check my heart because heart problems run in my family and I came across in a book that anxiety was triggered by them. An ultrasound verified. Ten years of suffering and people believing I had some sort of mental problem when I was just a child with a heart valve defect! So please, please, go to a doctor and have them check you for an underlying cause. Doctors are terrible with treating symptoms and not causes.

And here is the biggest and hardest one. At best discard or at least avoid at length periods of interaction with people in your life who impact you in a negative way. Negative people will bring you down. Surround yourself with positive people.

You're right that doctors sometimes misdiagnose conditions.
I'm 99% sure my heart is fine because I was born with a life-threatening condition. I had to be operated on right after I was born, then several times as a baby.

Doctors ran every test they could, especially since my condition has been linked to heart problems.

ER doctors also checked me for epilepsy after I fell and hurt my head during a routine check-up (I fainted).

My condition doesn't affect my daily life. I have a pretty big scar (that I can cover with clothes, so it's fine) and I'm paralyzed in one eye, but apart from that, I'm fine.

What's been haunting me though are the operating tables flashbacks. I also have/ had a major phobia of doctors and hospitals, to the point that some doctors thought I was high when I had panic attacks. I also fainted in an ER, in a specialist's office, during a medical check-up when I was in junior high, when firemen where showing us how to do CPR (etc).

I conquered that particular fear by watching every single episode of Scrubs, then moving on to ER and Grey's Anatomy, and also watching surgeries on TV (plastic surgery).

I forced myself to look at the organs and the blood. I've never been afraid of blood, I'm just scared by anything that can harm me, and medical examinations.

----

Now I'm left with a phobia of potentially dangerous things, the remnants of a fear of dogs, and a major phobia of college and exams.

I'd really like to try some spells or do some work with the Amethyst I have. I just don't know what to do.