The word cuse is missing the letter a, cause is what was meant. Don't make such a deal out of it.
And as for death spell for yourself, don't do it. If you are having problems, find someone to talk to, professional or not. Something bothering you to make you feel death is the answer is not worth death. You are alive and need to enjoyit. See the enjoyment, the wonder of it all, the awe of life itself. May you find your true answer. Blessed Be...