A Pagan dies and finds himself standing at the Pearly Gates. He walks up to St. Peter and asks, "Where AM I?" St. Peter looks up from his books and says; "You're that Pagan who just died, aren't you." "Well, this is Heaven and you are in the wrong place." "I can't let you in."
The Pagan says to St. Peter, "Well, what is wrong with the Summerlands, which is where I'm SUPPOSED to have gone?"
St. Peter replies; "Oh, the Summerlands are shut down and will be for some time, now as it was closed down due to rennovations. And, like I just told you, I can't let you into heaven, you being a Pagan and all."
The Pagan is getting upset by now, and asks St. Peter, "Well, where AM I supposed to go, then?"
St Peter points to a dark, crooked path and there is a big sign that says HELL in big flaming letters. "I'm sorry, son, but that is the only place you can go for now."
So, the Pagan, shaking his head takes the path leading to hell. At first, the road is dark and gloomy, but as he walks along, it seems to get brighter and a bit more cheerful. When he finally reaches the end of his journey, he comes upon a beautifully bejeweled gate and the words "WELCOME TO HELL" written at the very top in the most brilliant gold he has ever seen!
As he approaches them, the gates swing open wide and he enters Hell. To his great suprise, Nothing seems like he had ever imagined it to be. The skies are clear, with a few clouds floating by, there are beautiful lakes, birds singing, nice, warm sunshine, people are walking by, chatting happily and deer running and frisking about, all to the suprise of the Pagan.
As he stands there gazing about himself in amazement, he notices a hand placed on his shoulder. "Welcome to Hell" , Son, a kindly voice says.
The Pagan turns around and there is a stately looking gentleman standing beside him.
"Who are you?" The Pagan asks.
"Why, Son, I am Satan, the Devil, Welcome to Hell!"
"And you?' You must be that Pagan that St. Peter just called me about a few minutes ago."
"I AM a Pagan" , says the Pagan.
"What's with all this beauty and such, it's so peaceful here! I didn't think this was what hell was like! I was always told it was something, well, undesireable."
The Devil laughs and points to a path. "you take that path right there, and it will lead you to a beautiful park, there are fruit stands all over the place, and just over that mountain there, you will find the Pagan worship grounds."
Just as the Devil is beginning to describe the Pagan Worship grounds, there is a loud CRACK! The skies turn black and open up and the grounds beneath their feet turns bloody red and opens up with a ROAR! Out of the skies, poors millions of souls, screaming, as they fall into the pit in the earth, where fire and the most AWFUL smells comes from, they scream and the screams of tortured and damned souls are everywhere and loud horrible noises that can't be explained are heard. Then, with a sudden CRACK and THUD, the skies close and the ground beneath them closes and beauty all around is restored.
"WHAT WAS THAT?" asks the Pagan in horror.
"Oh", says the Devil, rolling his eyes. . ."Don't pay any attention to THAT." "It happens ALL the time."
"Christians, they wouldn't have things any other way!"
What's the best thing about Pagan friends? They worship the ground you walk on...
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?He sold his soul to Santa!
"He is YOUR god, They are YOUR rules, YOU burn in Hell!"
What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid? Someone who worships the tree that is not there.
What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid mathematician? Someone who worships the square roots of the tree that is not there.
What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid veterinarian? Someone who worships the bark of the tree that is not there.
What do ya' call 13 Witches in a hot tub? Self-Cleaning Coven
Please hold. All muses are busy right now, but your inspiration is important to us...
How many Gardnerians does it take to change a lightbulb? Can't say. It's oathbound
How many Alexandrians does it take to change a lightbulb? Same number as Gardnerians.
Q: What kind of furniture does a Goddess worshipper prefer? A: Wicker
Q: Why did the Wiccan novitiate give up pork? A: She thought the Rede said, "Chew what you will, but ham?--none."
Q: What is a witch's favorite snack?
A: PAN pizza
Q: What's a witch's favorite subject in school? A: SPELLing.