Well here we go, some thoughts on losing relationships, as the problem seems to pop up a lot. Breaking up has happened to nearly all of us, one way or another. Sometimes we are dumped, sometimes we have to end a relationship for reasons beyond our control, sometimes someone dies.
I have thought about this a lot, and these are my thoughts, which I will share with you. This applies to deep friendships as well as marital type relationships. Of course there is much that is outside of the realm of my experience, so I do hope people will contribute to this post.
When we are in a relationship, we develop a multitude of personal connections with our partner. These have layers of depth, lthough the deepest of connections can happen to manifest in the most apparently trivial of ways. These connections go from things like favourite TV shows, to doing the laundry, to having children together. Also, our lives begin to take on an 'us' aspect, - our friends, our memories, our home etc.
For the purpose of this post, I am referring to each connection as a 'love tentacle'. These are made of our thoughts, energy, emotions and body. All that is shared. We are bound together by every single tentacle, so that on the deepest level we are almost one organism functioning a a whole. We are together.
Now, in life, these relationships generally end, until we are on our last, hopefully long-term, relationship. When this happens, we can experience unbearable pain. It is soul pain, felt mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I call this severence pain. It is like grief, a magnitude of loss that we barely believe we are capable of dealing with. We wonder how we can possibly go on. The person who we need to comfort us, they're the one who's gone.
Everyone will tell us we can get over it. We think they cannot possibly comprehend what we are going through, even though they have had the same experience. In a way this is true, in the sense that often the deepest pains are the quickest forgotton. Also though, people have gone through the same experience, and they are all living proof that we are capable of recovery. Like in depression, we have to trust that others can see what we can't. Being in a state of severence takes away our insight. Because of this, it is important that we talk to and spend time with people who we love and trust.
Now, back to the tentacles. These took time to form. Each one of them came from our selves, and made a real connection with another person. In severence, they are effectivey left waving around in they air, desperately looking for something to connect with. This is what makes us very vulnberable. You can see that the danger is that the tentacles will connect to a person, or to an activity or habit, simply to take away the raw agony of dettatchment. We might go straight into another relationship, or a series of relationships, just because we feel vulnerable and unattatched. We might form an addictive behaviour.
What we need to do, is to be aware of what is happening. I said that each tentacle is based on a unique shared aspect. Obviously, sex is a prime example. The tentacle needs to be aknowledged, and to be brought back into ourselves. We need utmost protection in our daily lives, as having these tentacles waving about makes us vulnerable. Give yourself space to grief. Grieving is not just for death, it is for any emotional loss.
In some situations we can attatch these tentacles to other loved ones in our lives. This is natural, - many relationships cause us to neglect friendships and activities. These can now be utilised in your healing. Share with your friends again, grow healthy new attatchments, or re-vitalise old ones. Be creative.
Obviously, there are some tentacles that simply cannot be put to good use. These are the ones we cry for. No one ever died of crying all night. Talk to friends, talk to deity. A baby's umbilical cord simply falls off in time, and this is what will happen to your tentacles. I promise. Time really does heal. What I'm explaining, is that there is a physical way to understand these attatchments, and that the process is universal. I would not advise 'staying friends' with the person. This will be like picking a scab on your tentacles, it will interfere with the healing process.
Do listen to people who are experienced. Do take up new activities. Do use ritual to help in the healing process. Most of all, do have faith in your capacity as a human being to heal. People have survived this since the dawn of time, why wouldn't you?
Loves ~ Zeb.