|People somtimes will say im kinda dumb, but They will also say im kind and thoughtfull, and still when I was younger others "used" to say I was really intellegent. I dont know or much care what most people think of me. Im passive... most of the time anyway and I try to help where I can and try to mind my own business. Im still learning about magic so any help and pointers would be aprreciated. I enjoy laughing and making others laugh. Here are some jokes a friend taught me long ago.[keep in mind that they are not my jokes originally.]
THE MAGICIAN AND THE PARROT.
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show.
"Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.
After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, I give up. What'd you do with the boat?"
THIS S ONE I MADE MYSELF CALLED mURPHY'S LAW OF COMBAT.
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
There is always a way.
The easy way is always mined.
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When you're ready for them. b. When you're not ready for them.
Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
A "sucking chest wound" is natures way of telling you to slow down.
If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in a combat zone.
When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
ANOTHER OF MINE.
Whats the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.