Magic Forums

Dear all,
I still have doubts whether I find more "enlightment" on this page than I currently have, but still I would like to confront you with a problem that I have since many a year. I hope I will suceed to describe it well and maybe you have already heard or seen similar.
I have the very strong impression that someone/something is preventing me from finding more truth about the reality and what lies behind. Such whenever I make a new attempt to challenge forces and spirits, to proceed in digging deeper into what you might call understanding and doing magick, I get bad luck and bad things happen to me or my environment, so that I withdraw from what I am doing and decide to stopp meddling into things which are not intended for human beings to understand - let alone already to know about.
Also whenever I do some intensive pondering about the world, thinking intensively, all of a sudden finding new connections, links, eternal rules, etc. I get hardly interrupted by different things that happen and that make me loose my thoughts again.
I feel so often since years that I am hindered to see and know more.
Can this be?